Roxanne Merket: Podcasting from my closet in Northern Japan. This is Reimagining Hustle, a podcast for entrepreneurial parents, creating a life where business and parenthood live peacefully in the same space. I’m your host Roxanne Merket, a mom of two micro-business coach and serial entrepreneur on a journey to prove that it is possible to do what you love without sacrificing all your precious time.
Let’s do this.
Welcome back to another episode of reimagining hustle. I am like already super jazzed for my guest today. I have Samantha Kellgren with us, Samantha. Thanks for so much for joining me,
Samantha Kellgren: Oh, wait, I have been really looking forward to this too. Just the name of your show is like, oh, let’s talk.
Roxanne Merket: right. I’m well, I’m super excited. You feel that way! That’s it for me has been… this quest of like, how can we have healthy conversations about real life and like kind of adjusting the norm. So I’m really excited to have this conversation with you today. So thanks for being with me. Will you just like dive in and tell us all the things like tell us about you, what it is you do kind of your journey to get there.
[00:01:11] Tell Us About You
Samantha Kellgren: yeah, God, I know. And I know you said before, like, okay, you can get super detailed or bullet points. I’m like, I always think I’m gonna do bullet points and then it ends up not being bullet points. So we’ll see how this
Roxanne Merket: Don’t even worry. I’m like, I’m just gonna hit the highlights in it. I’m like, oh, but you have to know all this
Samantha Kellgren: Right. but wait, this is important. Um, so yeah, so really, I mean, I grew up in Kentucky. I was in Chicago for 10 years with, um, my husband. We met in college actually. We’ve been together for 16 years now, which is crazy to me. Um, and I really fell in love with running in Chicago. And so that became this huge part of my identity.
I met a lot of friends through run groups and stuff. I mean, and I always say Chicago, you can run forever. Cuz it’s flat and I live in North Carolina. Now. It is not flat here. We are living on a hill. Everything is a hill. Totally different experience. Um, yeah, but so we are in Chicago for like 10 years and.
We, I went off, we went off the pill. I went off the pill to try to get pregnant and my period was totally gone. And yeah, and I, I was a personal trainer at the time. I was a run coach, like certified running coach. I mean, I still am a certified running coach, but we touch on those things. Oh, you could lose a period.
Some athletes it’s. It’s uh, they’ll say even that it’s normal and it’s like, well, it might be common, not normal for your body. So I learned real fast about what was going on. I, we went down the road to IVF. We did IVF to have our now three year old. Um, and it really shifted my mindset on so many levels for one the, um, okay.
I’m just pushing pushing, pushing. I am gonna get my workouts in. I am, I was building my personal training business then because of that really switched to more health coaching, the mindset side of things. Um, but I am going to, you know, meet my clients whenever they can meet. I’m gonna take on a second job with that.
I need to be productive at all times. And. Looking at, Hey, your period stopped because you’re under too much stress. your period stopped because you’ve got this mental stress and this physical stress. Um, I had been, I know we’ll get more into this, but believing for years that the cardio and workouts were a stress relief, which they are.
However, I couldn’t differentiate when it was adding to my stress versus actually helping it because I had that guilt. If I don’t do all the things, if I here’s my to-do list gonna do all the things. So, yeah. So it really kind of brought me to where I am now. And we’ve been in Asheville, like I said, two years now.
And. The moment we moved. I knew we were looking for mountains. We wanted we’re starved for nature, basically. And we were in, we didn’t have a car for nine years until my son’s like the month before he was born. So we were in the city and it is just this high stress level that when we moved here, I’m like, oh my God, this is what I need.
And it was, it made me look at all different areas, you know, not just workouts. It is kind of how. I and many, many women that perfectionist side that I need to accomplish, um, how we judge ourselves, how we think others are judging us to these higher standards that don’t always jive with our bodies or, or what we actually want in our life.
We don’t stop to think about it though. And it took a lot to make me stop and think about it. And so I’m like trying to help people before they get to that point of let’s think about it now, before you burn out, let’s think about now before you, you know, dread when your alarm goes off every morning, how can you bring that?
Who you are and what you want? Not what your to-do list says, not what you think you should be doing, but how can you bring that into your everyday life? So that was like more than bullet points, but that is really kind of what brought me to focus on this clientele because before it was more, oh, health coaching, I’m gonna help them with.
You know, eat healthier and all these things, but that was just putting more on their plates. And what I realized is more people need information’s out there. We need that. One-on-one attention of look at me as a person and help me figure out what I actually want. What’s really important to me. And there’s no, um, there’s no, just one worksheet that’s gonna do that.
It takes a lot of introspection, so it kind of helps to have someone like going through it with you.
Roxanne Merket: Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Okay. I have one bazillion follow up questions. So try this. I just, I’m so excited to talk to you just because I think this is such an important topic. I wanna go back to something you said, um, when you, you mentioned that you went off the pill, but you didn’t get your period and you, you kind of like glazed over this.
So I need, I wanna come back and
Samantha Kellgren: a big deal.
[00:05:56] Normal, not common
Roxanne Merket: It’s a very big deal. But you said something interesting. You said that this is, we’re told that this is normal. It’s not normal. It’s common.
Samantha Kellgren: yeah.
Roxanne Merket: So will you like this for me? Like you said that in my mind went, whoop, let’s talk about this. Like, this is, this is so cuz I’ve heard this right.
As, as an athlete, I heard this like, oh your, your period will probably stop that’s super normal. Right. Like, but that was always from men who were telling me that. Right. And so talk to me a little bit about what that experience was like. Yeah.
Samantha Kellgren: Yeah, so, and it’s crazy, cuz I was in personal training and they talk about hormones, but it was not to this level. So what it’s called is hypothalamic ammenorhia. It’s ha. My period totally stopped. Like I waited three months after I went off the pill. Cuz you go off the pill immediately and it’s like, yeah, you might not get it for you.
Body has to
Roxanne Merket: weirdness at
Samantha Kellgren: Right. Um, after three months there is nothing and went to my OB and they said, and they said it could be, you might be running a little too much, but I’m like, okay, tell me what number of miles can I run?
Roxanne Merket: Like, okay. So like too much
is like, yeah, like down to
Samantha Kellgren: I need a plan. I need to know exactly what is too much.
And with our bodies, we don’t know that we don’t know that. I mean, I think it’s ridiculous. When we look at like calorie plans of, well, you don’t know what my body, like, I don’t know how hungry I’m today versus tomorrow, but. She said it could be running to back off. So I was like, who? And so I took a little bit and then I took out intervals.
I was okay. Oh, I won’t do the speed work. I’ll keep it steady state. We go to a, um, fertility specialist and they do a test and I have no uterine lining. So there’s like nothing to bleed out. So he was like, is you’re more body fat, but he didn’t gimme a name for it. You need to put more body fat on more weight on, he was.
Okay. I was like, all right, so now I’m gonna confront like opposite of what anything in society tells you to try to gain weight. Like, even if you’re underweight, it’s like, okay, we’ll stay there. you know, it’s like,
Roxanne Merket: this is fine. This is healthy, right?
Samantha Kellgren: people are much more. I’d say likely, but everyone to, you know, compliment the weight loss and not say anything if you’re too thin, but say something, if you are in their eyes, slightly overweight.
Roxanne Merket: Totally.
Samantha Kellgren: getting those messages of like, I shouldn’t want to gain weight. So I. I really had to work on the mindset there of why is this so important to me? And why am I fearing certain foods? And it was this great area. I’d never had an eating disorder, but I had like disordered thoughts around feeding myself, which again, common, not exactly normal.
Roxanne Merket: Right. But like, we feel like it’s normal. Right. But you yeah. Spot on.
Samantha Kellgren: Because it’s, that’s how society is. It’s set up that way. And, um, and it’s all in the messages you are receiving. And if you can’t really think for yourself around that, how does that affect me? You know? And so I started to look at well, you know, cause I, I liked my six pack and it was like, uh, it was like, okay, well, You know, I wanted to get pregnant.
I’m not gonna have six pack then, but if that goes away, like what, what else am I gaining, it’s like, well, I’m gonna have more freedom to, Hey, I wanted to go on a long run tomorrow, but I’d rather do this other thing. It popped up instead of turning that down because I have to do the long run. Maybe I’ll do a shorter run, do it the next day.
There’s just more flexibility. And, and I see that into my career, right. Oh, any moment he’s napping. I need to be working. I need to be productive. I need to like show your work, right? Like, and that’s why he like, with the workouts, just show your work. It’s I did this many miles. I did. I burned this many calories.
I, you know, this accomplishment and. don’t see it as something wrong with feeling a sense of accomplishment. We work out, I still love a good run. I still love a good workout, but it’s when you feel you failed because you didn’t hit whatever plan you’re trying to follow, you know, it’s that kind of backside of it.
It should, it should be a motivator. It should feel good, but the moment it starts feeling like of stress. It’s okay to let it go. And why am I doing this in the first place, instead of just pushing through it?
Roxanne Merket: Mm, that makes so much sense. I’m as you say that, I think, you know, I had a workout yesterday that was cut in half because my son needed my attention. Right. Is like my workout. I was in the middle of it. I was on, you know, cycle 2 of 4 on I, I was boxing, you know, cycle 2 of 4 and, and he came in and was just in tears and I thought, no, we’re.
We’re just gonna stop it. And for a minute it was that like resentment of like, ah, I didn’t get my four cycles. Then I was like, no, no, no. I worked out, I did it. I did the thing. We’re good.
Samantha Kellgren: did that right? Instead of what? Okay. I have to make up for it.
Roxanne Merket: right, right.
Samantha Kellgren: I’m resentful. Oh, how can I get more in? And it’s like, no. It didn’t work out today with whatever it is, you know? And it’s, it’s hard. Cause I do talk about the, um, health and fitness side of it, which is a big part. A lot of women relate to that, but if you start to notice if you’re that way about these things, what other areas are, you like that because it’s always setting that next goal, you know?
And it’s, um, It’s good to have a goal to work towards, but when you are defining your personal success and do you, it’s a lot of, I earned this or I deserve to rest because I did this instead of just like I’m tired and I want nothing more than to lay on the couch right now and read a book instead of going through.
Did I earn time to sit down and read a book? It’s no, I wanna sit down, read a book. I’m just, I’m not gonna think about it anymore. I’m not gonna feel guilty over it. And I think that there is just so much pressure we put on ourselves and that we feel from other people that isn’t actually there. No one actually cares.
what, what it is you’re doing day to day. Yeah.
Roxanne Merket: Yeah. It’s almost like that tuning off the, or tuning out what everybody else is saying. You have to do and saying, okay, I’m gonna listen to my body here. I’m gonna, I’m gonna actually pay attention to what I need, not what I think I’m supposed to need is that
Samantha Kellgren: Yeah. And it’s really hard to do. It’s really hard. I mean, when you think about even things like, okay, because of social media, if you think of, okay, you’ve been with your partner for a while and you’re at the age where you’re seeing just everyone is getting engaged and you sort of feel like why, why hasn’t he proposed you?
Haven’t have you stopped to ask yourself. Are we ready to get married?
Roxanne Merket: Mm-hmm.
Samantha Kellgren: and maybe you are great, but we skip that step of like, Am I, why am I jealous of this? You know, it’s that, that should be happening to me. And it started even with my coaching, I kept, you know, you follow one business coach and that’s the algorithm is like, here, let me show you every single business coach out there.
And I kept seeing, you know, six figure, you know, make six figures in six months and like all this, not that there’s anything bad about that, but. It instantly starts to feel like what I’m making isn’t enough. This needs to be my goal because that’s, what’s put in front of me and I, I need to work until I get to that point.
Instead of being like, well, what is my goal right now? I wanted, at that point I was figuring out. Do I wanna do group, am I doing one on one? Like that’s what I, and as soon as I started figuring out, no, this is how I wanna work with people. Let me define who I wanna work with. Instead of what’s gonna get me to six figures.
it’s like, no, who do I wanna work with? Like, let’s start there because if I’m one on one coaching, I, I wanna be passionate about, this is why I started this. So focus on where you are at that time instead of feeling. Oh, my God. You’re there’s always gonna be someone ahead of you in any, anything, right?
Roxanne Merket: Right, right, right.
Samantha Kellgren: you’re never gonna reach that point where you’ve arrived.
So you gotta enjoy it. You gotta make peace and, and figure out what you can do to enjoy where you are as you’re working towards it. But so you’re not just, that’s my goal and I’ve gotta work my ass off. And who cares? What until I get there and then set the next one.
Roxanne Merket: mm-hmm goals not destinations, right? That’s
Samantha Kellgren: Yes. Yes, exactly.
Roxanne Merket: So tell us who. I wanna ask, like who, who is the client that you work with and what question are they asking before they contact you? Like, what is that,
that point that they hit
Samantha Kellgren: It is. And it’s hard. It’s so hard as you can probably identify with this. It’s so hard. I mean, look, hello. What do I have in front? You a book that says niche down. So
Roxanne Merket: yes.
Samantha Kellgren: it’s hard to describe, cause I do think it’s a feeling. But, you know, that feeling when you are constantly Googling or searching for the right thing to do the plan that will get you somewhere and you are looking for other people’s opinions and you’re looking for something to follow, and you’re looking for what is this path and what is the best way I can do this? And when you stop to think, is this even what I wanna work towards and you feel like you’re not a lot of the women, I talk to feel like they, they will say they feel like they’re not fully present and that’s such a vague thing. But I think, you know, it, if, if that resonates with you,
Roxanne Merket: Yeah. You know, when you get there,
Samantha Kellgren: right.
If you are always, you know, In your head about how can I make these plans work and well, like what does this mean? Okay. If we do this now, and you’re constantly planning and fretting over not being productive enough, like if I said, can you take a break midday, not planned and read a book for 30 minutes and you’re like, I could never do that.
I’m talking to you.
Roxanne Merket: Mm-hmm
Samantha Kellgren: And so I think that they hit this point where it’s. I’m not fully enjoying where I am now. I want to, I want to work towards these goals, but I don’t want it to kill me. I want to work through these goals and I want to also have time for myself. I’m not paying attention to what I want.
And so it kind of just reaches this point where, okay, I do wanna spend more time on me, but then we don’t know even where to start. And we’re like, how do I do that?
Roxanne Merket: yeah, right. Like tell me how, give
Samantha Kellgren: that. Right? Give me the plan. And that is probably what sets me aside is I. I’m like, God, am I like a reverse health coach?
Cause I’m like, look, we’re gonna do less. And it’s gonna be very small goals of just like, what do you wanna work on this week? Like what would make you, it’s a lot of feeling work of how do you wanna feel going into this week? What can you do? And I’m not saying here’s what you should do to get there.
It’s what can you do that will bring you to that feeling and how can we make that happen? And we need, it sounds so ridiculous. My husband’s like who needs that? I’m like a lot of people need that.
Roxanne Merket: so many people need that. Oh, my word. Yes.
Samantha Kellgren: It’s that handholding one of my clients now, um, that literally was her role of like, I’m gonna set aside 30 minutes to read, to take time for myself. And we both agree. I’m like, this is gonna be hard. You’re gonna sit down and you’re gonna be looking at your kitchen thinking I could do the dishes.
You’re gonna be thinking I should be working on something. I can be doing, you know, personal development I should be doing. I’m like, no, pick a book that you would enjoy. What would 15 year old you want to read? Go there. And like, you’re gonna have this resistance, what can we do? Let’s come up with something to say.
And so she made a bookmark and because the phrase we came up with is this is worthy of my time
Roxanne Merket: Mm.
Samantha Kellgren: because that’s what we need, because we always feel like we could be doing 10 other things, especially the mom.
Roxanne Merket: Oh, yes.
Samantha Kellgren: I mean, even if you’re not a mom, even you’re not a business owner, you have a job, you have people you care about, you have a home, you’ve got a lot of things.
That are competing for that space. And then we’ve got things telling us, these are the workouts you should be doing. This is the way you should be eating. You should be making your own, whatever, never eat this. And it’s like, oh my God. But what if it is important to you? What do you wanna focus on? Because I mean, this is, gonna be a tangent , but
Roxanne Merket: for
Samantha Kellgren: it..
it comes back.
It really illustrates this. So my, um, mother-in-law got us one of those herb growers.
Roxanne Merket: Yeah.
Samantha Kellgren: Didn’t ask for it. And it takes up a lot of space and like, in my head, I’m like, I like to use fresh herbs. However, this thing is causing me a stress because if I, I didn’t use them enough now, now they’re dying. And do I, I don’t wanna waste them.
And my husband, it is no big deal to him. He’s like, well, I mean, you just cut it. I’m sure we can just like dry him in the oven. It’ll take like what, like five minutes, just do that. And I’m like, yeah, I probably would. And then I stopped. I was like, but that’s not how I wanna spend my time. I don’t care about this enough.
I’m fine. Buying dried herbs right now in my life. Maybe in five years, I will not. A priority. So I suddenly stop feeling guilty for, I’m not upkeeping this. I should be able to find a ma way to make this work. It’s like, no, this is just not a thing that I want on my plate right now. I’ve got other things that I will take time to do.
I’ve got other things that are more intensive, that’s not the one. And away went, every ounce of I should be able to do this. Why can’t I just do this? This would be a great thing to, this is very healthy. This, you know, all those shoulds and it was like, but is this what I wanna do? And that’s not, I wanna spend my time.
Roxanne Merket: Mm,
Samantha Kellgren: And I’m making sourdough bread and I love it and enjoy that’s much more intensive, but it’s something that I wanna do because I’ve found a way
Roxanne Merket: your time.
Samantha Kellgren: it’s worth my time. Exactly. And the other thing just wasn’t and we don’t stop to ask ourselves that we read the Pinterest thing. We read, you know, the article on like the perfect morning routine and we don’t have to think would that actually make my morning better?
Roxanne Merket: Mm.
Samantha Kellgren: Instead, we just like, okay, gotta add journaling.
Roxanne Merket: Yeah, this is the thing I’m supposed to do. That’ll help me feel
Samantha Kellgren: right, It’s so true. And it’s just, we don’t take that time
Roxanne Merket: Yeah. Oh, okay. So I’m gonna jump out of order. I don’t usually ask this question right now, but I really wanna ask you this question. So I feel like you are describing reimagining hustle, right? Like, I feel like you have just like embodied that and like are radiating that. And so I wanna know in your own life, not for your clients, but in your own life, how do you reimagine hustle?
[00:20:42] How do you reimagine hustle?
Samantha Kellgren: Oh man. So a lot of this was with COVID. I think it, you know, my son he’s three and thankfully they went back in June, but there was 12 weeks where, I mean, you know, there’s no, you can’t go anywhere. And suddenly my time became. Much more precious my time to myself, it was literally only nap and I’d go to bed before 10.
So there’s not much time on the other end. And I looked at, how am I spending this time? What am I working on? Is this important to me? And it was like, I don’t want to only work when he is napping. Let me look at what’s like the biggest thing. It made me time block better. What’s the biggest thing I wanna get done.
Let’s put that in and I’m gonna make sure I’ve got time. I started cross stitching again that I literally started before he was born. I pick that up again. I started reading, I didn’t read for 16 months once he was born, cuz it was like, ah, what’s happening. all that. I can’t read all those. I can’t read out of time.
I read what am I gonna read? And. I went to a book signing and got a book. I was like, I’ll see how this goes. I have read on average two books a month since then.
Roxanne Merket: That’s awesome.
Samantha Kellgren: I found that time and I made that time and I decided what’s important to me. I love reading. I missed it so much. I love reading I wanna make sure that that is just as important as
getting a blog post written. I’m gonna make sure that I get outdoor time. It’s looking at what, and I, I take other people through this because I realize this what I did is looking at what’s. What brings me the most happiness and the most sense of everything is okay in your life right now. And that is getting outside in nature.
So I take the dog on two walks a day. Don’t have to be long, but it’s just to get outside in the sunshine, feel the air, move my body in the neighborhood. And that is gonna take precedence over, getting a little more work done because I’ve decided what makes me feel. This makes me feel good. And it’s really hard to do because that goes against the should.
Sometimes of, well, you were with your son all morning and didn’t get any work done. You should be taking all the time. You can to get work done. It’s like to be better at what I do. I need 20 minutes outside.
Roxanne Merket: Mm-hmm
Samantha Kellgren: and I have to take that time.
Roxanne Merket: Oh, yes. I, I can totally get behind this reimagined idea of hustle right. Of just, and I feel like we keep coming back to the theme of like, is it worth my time? Is this how I wanna be spending my time? So kind of on the, oh, sorry. You were gonna say, go ahead.
Samantha Kellgren: Oh, no, no, no. I was like, I, that was a like deep sigh
Roxanne Merket: Oh, okay. oh, I didn’t wanna miss.
I feel like you’re like dropping gems left and right. I didn’t wanna miss anything. So I wanna know. What does success look like to you?
[00:23:39] What does success look like?
Samantha Kellgren: Oh, my God. So that’s another thing is redefining success, redefining productivity. And so success. I was very much for one, when it was running, it was race times, you know, and then it was my career. It was how much, just, how much did I produce today? What did I do? I can go through that. How many clients did I send?
Roxanne Merket: Yeah.
Samantha Kellgren: And because those are the metrics we’re taught, right? like, this is what’s no, that’s not important, but this is what matters. How much money did you bring in? And I started looking at for one, what did, what do I want outta my life? I love being a mom. We worked really freaking hard to get him here and I love being a mom.
So suddenly when I realize that is a huge part of me and part of me that I love when I’m sitting on the couch with them reading a book for an hour. He could sit there forever and read. I’m not feeling antsy. Like I should be doing something else because this is exactly what I’m doing. This is success.
This is raising a kind human. This is spending one on one time with my son. This is important. This is successful. The other thing was. When I looked from the work side of it, it was very much how many, um, you know, how many clients do we have at one time and stuff like that. And then when I thought, why do I coach?
And you have to like work backwards. It’s like, well, why did I get, why do I coach, what do I love about this? I love supporting and truly helping women have those aha like epiphanies end when they say, oh my God, a light bulb went off over my head or they say, oh my God, I never thought about it that way. I, that is a good day for me.
And so I realize no matter if that happens on a client who has signed a contract and is working with me, or I make a comment to someone in my Facebook group that is totally free and they never work with me that success I have literally I have thank you notes. That people have written that aren’t clients, but say I’m so glad I found your group or I’m so glad I found your feed, whatever it is.
Thank you so much for the work you’re doing. How can I not look at that as successful and put only, well, she didn’t sign like no. Oh my God. Stop caring about that. And it, it really brings so much more, um, passion into what I do, because I think we start with that passion and then it gets beaten out of us, the more we’re forced to focus on numbers and all of that.
But when you come back to that, why am I doing this in the first place? Oh, is to change how someone thinks and make their day lighter. She wrote me a letter to tell me that I don’t care if she ever signs. I don’t care, honestly. That was, it’s why it’s on my desk. That meant so much to me. I mean, it’s like gold.
So it really is looking at why you’re doing what you’re doing. what makes you the happiest and that’s a successful day. I mean,
Roxanne Merket: right.
Samantha Kellgren: and it’s. You have to keep reminding yourself because capitalism right. Oh my God. I just heard the best quote. It’s a podcast called, um, call your girlfriend. I don’t know if you’ve heard about,
Roxanne Merket: listened. I’ll have to
Samantha Kellgren: God, they just did a great one on burnout and she kind of flippantly said, she said you can’t self care your way out of capitalism.
I was like, oh my God.
Roxanne Merket: mm,
Samantha Kellgren: like, I was walking the door. I’m like, I’m remembering that forever. It was because it’s not enough. Like you can’t, you can’t have the self care routine to get you out of bed. It’s a total change in mindset in how you see what is important to you. And that is gonna make it much easier to deal with, cuz it’s gonna be there.
Roxanne Merket: right?
Samantha Kellgren: it’s gonna be theirs. How do you react to it?
Roxanne Merket: Yeah. Oh my goodness. I I’m, I, I just, I feel like I can’t even, I need to like needle point that on a pillow, right? Like that’s.
Samantha Kellgren: That might be my next cross stitch. Right.
Roxanne Merket: Seriously, like, but that it’s so true. It’s so true. Oh my goodness. Samantha, do you experience guilt ever around building your business and raising a child at the same time?
[00:27:50] What about guilt?
Samantha Kellgren: uh, you know, I mean, you’re, I feel like there’s always gonna be guilt. I feel like a lot less now. Um, it is, and it’s because. I’ve been able to separate when I am decided that this is my time block, I’m working on my business. That is what I’m doing. When I decide this is the time block that I’ve gotten him all morning.
Today is a Friday. He doesn’t have school. He’s in three just mornings a week. Um, that is what I’m doing and I’m not guilty about, but it took practice to remind myself this is what’s important. I also think that. Him seeing me. It starts to something me work, right? It’s something me fulfilled in some way, whatever that was even just volunteering.
It doesn’t have to be a monetary thing, but doing something that is outside of him that I am passionate about is really important. and, um, even just the little things I do to take care of myself, like I was going to acupuncture and he tried, he tried to say, he was like, he goes, that’s a hard word to say it is.
And I’m like, she helps me feel better. I’m like, this is why I go to this. This is why I have time for this. And so I think that recognizing that you’re. You’re likely to feel guilty no matter what you do. So it’s up to you to decide not to is a lot of power in that, because otherwise you’re gonna be pulled in into feeling guilty no matter what you’re doing.
Right. There’s so much and know that you’re never going to, there’s not one way to do it. you can get it wrong. I think that’s the other thing grace about you can get this wrong. You can look back and be like, I really didn’t need to take that call the day or whatever it is. Looking at, oh, I really should have stayed up and written that email.
Roxanne Merket: Mm-hmm
Samantha Kellgren: Okay. Now, move on now, you know, , you know how that felt now move on. And so that really eliminates a lot of like, what is the most important right now and know that, Hey, if I get it wrong, I can choose again differently. Next time.
Roxanne Merket: Hmm. I love that too. It’s just this idea that you get it wrong. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. Doesn’t mean you’re a bad human doesn’t mean that you like failed forever. It’s like, oh yeah. I found another way that doesn’t work. Great. Like
Samantha Kellgren: Yep. check. Oh yeah.
Roxanne Merket: Yeah. Samantha, what do you wish people knew about parenting and entrepreneur at the same time?
[00:30:12] Parenting and Entrepreneurship?
Samantha Kellgren: Oh, my God. Ugh. I mean, both are creative.
Roxanne Merket: Yeah. it’s so true.
Samantha Kellgren: they? Do. I feel. Both have made me better at the other, just with the problem solving with the mindset of what it means to be a good parent, what it means to be present, what it means to be a good business owner and what it means to put myself into my business. I think that. Time blocking is my best friend.
Roxanne Merket: yes.
Samantha Kellgren: even if I’m not rigidly to it, but just so I’m not every day thinking, what do I wanna get done today? I spend the first part of my Sunday morning, my husband gets my son in the morning on Sunday. And so I wake up, I do a little yoga and I take time to look at my week and think what’s the most important thing I wanna get done.
And I put little time blocks where they’re most likely to happen. And that way I’m not thinking about it all the time. And so I also know I plan nothing Monday morning, cuz I’m with him. So whatever he wants to do, I’m able to just let him do that. So, I mean, I’m talking in like very big terms, I feel like, but I think it really is just looking at, at your time of how do you wanna spend it that day and knowing that there you’re gonna feel like there isn’t enough time, but there is enough time for what’s most important.
Roxanne Merket: mm-hmm
Samantha Kellgren: And knowing that you’re, you’re doing two different things. One is business. One is raising your family
Roxanne Merket: Yeah.
Samantha Kellgren: and how can you make them fit best? I like to get up early and that is my time for me. And then I get probably about 45 minutes of work done. And then when he is up, I am with him. So it’s really kind of been separating the two, I think for me, but it’s really it’s time management.
And I think that people that go into business for themselves are inherently, at least somewhat good at that. Or they wouldn’t even think they could do it.
Roxanne Merket: or you’ve gotta get real good at it real fast
Samantha Kellgren: Yeah. Right. That is like a key. So you’re likely either learning that or you’ve learned that I know how to at least somewhat manage my time, start there, and then you’re in a, feel less frazzled.
You could be working all the time and you could also be mothering all the time. So figure out your flow and when those buckets of time are, so you’re not feeling you should be doing the other thing.
Roxanne Merket: Yeah, I wanna ask you, I’m gonna make you dive a little bit deeper if you don’t
Samantha Kellgren: Mm. Yeah.
Roxanne Merket: I, I, I think about, you know, my listeners who are hearing this and thinking, oh, okay. Yeah, that’s real fun and good. But like H how, like, how do I do that? So can you give us some like, actionable steps of like, how, how, what kind of things are you looking for when you’re looking for those patterns of time?
[00:32:57] Looking for patterns of time
Samantha Kellgren: Well, one of it is a big thing that I always tell people, and this is why. You can’t just download a template for it. Right. Is what is the flow of your day? This kind of blew some of my client’s minds. It was instead of, okay. I need some boundaries. So I will check email from seven to 8:00 AM. Don’t set a time.
If you have young kids make it work with their flow. Okay. I know that when they are eating breakfast is the time I’m able to answer my emails. So you don’t have a time on it, but you. Whenever they are doing X, Y, Z is when I do this. And so it’s going more of the flow with your natural day, also looking at, when do you have the most creative energy?
When do you have the energy? That is more like I can copy paste stuff. I can create an image. I’m not writing a blog post, my creative work. I mean, I can’t really work creatively past probably four I can’t my brain doesn’t do that. I know that . So anytime I’m looking at, I need to write a blog post. I need to, I, I don’t really have this idea formed yet, but I need to brainstorm.
I’m gonna do that early morning and not late afternoon. I think also looking at, um, And maybe some people are different, but for me, I can’t have it too strict of timing from nine to nine 15, I’m doing this, especially if he’s here, there’s like no time. It’s like in this area, I would like to get laundry done.
but if he’s at school, if he is napping, um, it’ll be in this time block, this is what I’m doing. So I know what I’m working on, but it is not to the minute because the least little thing happens. They don’t go down for a nap. So whatever it is, something happens and you can’t get it done. Then your entire day is thrown.
So look at it loosely for one and just plug in. Pieces of time. So it’s not so strict. I think that that really helps because otherwise I know I go crazy if I have planned for something. Okay. I know I’m gonna drop them off at school. I should be back by nine. I’m not going to plan something exactly at nine to nine 15 and then nine 30, because I know if there is traffic, if whatever, if we’re running late.
I don’t wanna start my morning that way. So really putting yourself also in the moment. So before you say yes to anything, before I scheduled this podcast, I talked with my husband. Are you able to be done by five so you can take on yes. How am I gonna feel Friday at five? Well, I love doing these. I love, I get fired up having these conversations.
That’s gonna be a great way to end my week.
Roxanne Merket: Yeah. Mm-hmm
Samantha Kellgren: But if it was, oh, I’m gonna schedule this thing, you know, Friday afternoon, I’m likely burn out for the week. I know. Let me put myself there in my mind. I am not gonna wanna work on this. Do not plan it then. So really to put yourself in that moment as you’re planning your week, how am I gonna feel out?
How do I usually feel at three o’clock? Am I gonna wanna do that? Is that gonna be possible for me? So you’re not working against yourself.
Roxanne Merket: Hmm, I appreciate you giving this. I mean, such actionable advice and I love what you’ve described. I, we use the same technique at my house. What we call a routine versus a schedule, right? Like a schedule is going by the hours of the day, but our routine is we get up and then we do this and then we do this.
And when this happens, then we do that. And for us, that has, that’s the only way we survived the pandemic, right. Is like, Getting through with a routine. And so I, I appreciate too. And, and I love this idea of, I feel like you described it’s like budgeting, right? Like when you’re, when you first start a budget, you need to pay attention to what you’re spending before you start setting a budget, right.
When you’re trying to get healthier, you pay attention to what you’re eating. So, you know, what’s actually happening. And you’ve just described that with time, right. Is like pay attention to what’s happening. So you know what to plan for. And so it’s kind of. Preparation work. We want so often to just dive in and say, Hey, like, let’s, let’s do this thing right now, but we actually have to take a moment to take account of what’s happening.
So thank you for giving us something very actionable that we could do today. I really appreciate that. Samantha, will you give us a pep talk just for other parents on this journey?
[00:37:06] Pep Talk!
Samantha Kellgren: Yeah. Oh God. Um, for one you can do it. I have behind me, my little letter board says you’re doing a great job. Keep reminding yourself. I think the biggest thing, my favorite quote from is Amy Pohler it’s good for her, not for me. So just remember you, you know, what’s best for you, you know, if you’re approaching burnout.
You know, if you’ve taken on too much and you are the only one who’s gonna protect your time. So protect it, fiercely, give yourself that time for, I hate, I don’t even like the word self-care I don’t even like the word healthy or self-care anymore, but give yourself that time to spend on you. And even if that is actually, I want to write this new course, even as I want to read about sleep training.
Great. If that’s what you wanna do. And you’re like, I’m looking forward to this, make sure you’ve got something in every day that you look forward to, because that is the only way that you’re going to stay you, but we’re, we’re doing this. It’s not like you can do us. You’re doing it. You’re in, it is gonna get hard.
But the fact that you find these resources, you are resourceful person. You’re gonna kill it. You are. I mean, really it is. We put so much pressure, but when we stop and look at, Hey, what the heck have I done? I’ve done so much. You’re raising a human and you’re, if you create anything outside of that, you are killing it.
Roxanne Merket: Extra bonus. Oh my goodness, Sam. Thank you. You’ve been pep talked. There you go. Sam has pep talk too. I am like ready to just go and, and just conquer the world with this. This has been an absolute treat. Thank you for spending your afternoon with me before we let you go. We need to know where we can get more of you where we can find you online.
Samantha Kellgren: Oh, yes. Okay. My website is simply while coaching.com and that’s where you can get, I will send you a link so everyone can get the, get grounded in 21 days. It is 21 very quick exercises you can do to really. Remember who you are, to come home to yourself. Um, if you’re listening, come say hi on Instagram, I’m at simply while coaching.
And then I’d love to see you all in my Facebook group. It is aligned action. Collective. I’ll send a link for that as well. Um, I mean, I do free coaching every week. It’s a great group of women that are working for bigger things, but also want to remember who they are and make sure that that is aligned with what feels right for them.
And we’re not just taking random advice.
Roxanne Merket: Mm, that sounds amazing. And we’ll make sure. Everything in the show notes so that yeah, we’ve got all of those things and, and I actually downloaded that grounding worksheet before our call. I’m really excited to dive into that as well. So Samantha, thank you so much for your wisdom for your grace for just the gift of your time.
It has been a treat to spend this time with
Samantha Kellgren: thank you. It was amazing. It really was.
Roxanne Merket: Thank you.
Thanks for listening to Reimagining Hustle with Roxanne Merket. If you like the show and want more, check out reimagininghustle.com and please leave a review wherever you get your podcasts. We’ll be back next week with another episode. See you soon.